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The day after Christmas and the day after Mothers day seem to be times when lots of new people sign up for Ashley Madison. All those expectations you have for the holiday fall through. Or you just had one too many fights.

It is like ‘tourist’ season. But people like me are there to stay.

I slept with 6 men before my husband, and 8 men since marrying him. Yes, we are still married

Sometimes I think I should be open with him, and even try an “open” relationship, but I know that won’t work. It sounds good, but he will want to join, he will ask questions that seem harmless… we have been with partners at the same time, and there is an unspoken completion in the air.

He will never be a cuckold who enjoys watching me get pleasure from another man while he sits there helpless.

It’s not even a jealousy things. We all start relationshps with jealousy when we feel the power of our lover, but over time, things change. Both of us have times where we are like “you want my partner? You take ’em. They are all yours. ”

So far, I have done nothing with them that I haven’t done with him. In fact, sometimes I want them to touch me like he did. Not like he does now, but like he used to.

I have an issue with needing to be validated with sexual attention. He has an issue with thinking happiness will come with worshipping his cock. Both are temporary.

Picture this: Me having sex with him, my body rocking back and forth while I am on all fours and faced away from him. What he can’t see is my eyes rolling in the back of my head not with ecstasy but with boredom and thinking “is he going to work on the basement today? after all, it is 8 in the morning, and when he’s done, he’ll have all day and should be happy.” I know he could be fucking a stuffed animal and not notice the difference. And I know he’s bored too, he’s wondering why he made his move rather than read the paper.

Not very conducive to passion is it? You may just try to fuck him harder hoping the old times can come back (they won’t).

WE have spiced things up. I will not give details. This is anonymous. There is a certain debauchery in sex that comes after respect… when someone shares their heart with you, you give them your nasty side… that all changes when you feel like you lost respect.

I do know that cheating can wreck you. If you are not ready for it, you will curl up in a ball and feel sick after you do it.  You will cancel meetings you had looked forward to for many days out of guilt..

 ImageI have had unsuspected sex in parked mini vans. I have given oral to gentleman in suits at their desks and walked out. I have had full afternoons tangled up in sheets, multiple orgasms, multiple positions, and brought lunch in the middle of them all… I have had a vairety of things that I will let you imagine about.  Some i feel bad over, but sometimes I feel bad and realize I want to feel bad. 
Day after Christmas, and I have no answers.