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Funny how this works. I started this blog so excited. I wanted to reveal things. I wanted to share what I could not share anywhere else. I wanted something exciting and nasty and erotic.

But then it became a chore. I had regrets. i wanted to delete it all and forget about it.

Just like my affairs on Ashley Madision. Just like my profiles. Just like my relationships with men outside of marriage.

I will dive into them with excitement. They will be frenetic. I can’t imagine living without them.

But then the ‘lifestyle’ becomes a chore. I want to avoid it. It seems like work. I want to curl up at home and ignore it all. So I often do.

An understanding man will reap the benefits of this. When i return to him, I want to make up for lost time. I want to perform so that he will remember me until next time. I pull out things I may have been keeping in my bag of tricks. We meet as much as I can and have a crazy week. I may send him pictures so that he doesn’t forget me.



A pushy man will be someone I may just encourage to go their own way. My own life comes first, so if that demands things, or if I am just not feeling it, you will have to wait.

My therapist notices these mood swings. He thinks he knows why. And even though I don’t tell him about my ashley madision life, he also notices I tend to use sex for attention. He thinks he knows why. All of that for another day, when the mood hits me.