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So, I may not speak for all woman in the world, but here’s my preference: Don’t send me a picture of your dick on Ashley Madison. Let me explain why, and see how many times I can use the word ‘Dick.’

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When you send me your dick, I think you are a dick. This may not be true. I have seen some impressive members (pun intended) that I am sure I could enjoy, but there’s a reason why we use the word “dick” for men who are Dicks. They are men who are completely self-centered, self-absorbed, and live simply to serve their dick. (that’s all men? maybe, some fake it so so well though)

For one, if you send me your dick right away I think that sex will just be completely dick-centric. I’ve been there with the guy who’s like that. Probably from watching too much porn, but they think every moment of sex should be dick worship. This may be okay for part of sex. It may be okay for a quickie once in a while. But if this is how you expect it to go, like I’m supposed to worship at the shrine of your dick, things will end quickly.

I want to be surprised when we unclothe a bit. I want to see and feel an erection that’s there just for me. And I want to see your smile, your eyes. I want to be as happy with my eyes closed as with them open.

A nice ass is as important as a nice dick. Nice hands and nice lips are even more important. I will assume your dick works. I will assume it is not handicapped in some ways.

Of course I want to see you, but, here’s a secret… I want to be the most beautiful and important member in the room.

A swimsuit picture is nice. A selfie with you in front of the mirror with your shirt off is tacky. Very tacky. Maybe more tacky than a dick shot.

I prefer a nice suit. I prefer something random. I prefer not to see your family at all in the shot.

Don’t ask me if your dick is bigger than my husbands, and I won’t ask you if I am more attractive than your wife.

I also don’t want you to promise me how good you are at giving oral sex in your first message. ‘Blah blah blah blah blah’ would be just as effective to write. Doesn’t mean we can’t talk about it or you can prove it down the line, but if you have to lead with that, you probably suck. And not in a good way.

I’m being a bit of a bitch here. Not trying to be a prude. I can handle most things related to sex and a nice, clean (as can be expected) strip club has provided me with lots of fun, but I just want you to show some class. I may worship your dick in time and for a time, but first worship me a bit.

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